it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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