I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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