Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i've created a new STD.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
