how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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