I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
