I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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