I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
