Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
