when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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