Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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