I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
