id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Green mimosas i think yes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
