just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They are going to name an STD after you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
