Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You pole danced in your parka.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
