You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
