hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
