my phone needs a breathalizer
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
