I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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