Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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