omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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