There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
