How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
