its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
