I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
