i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
