I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
