Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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