So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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