He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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