haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize