Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
