chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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