I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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