And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
