woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
