Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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