So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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