he shaved USA in his pubs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
