So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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