sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
