Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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