he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
