ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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