Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
