I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
