i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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