Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
