They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
