I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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