I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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