I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
