so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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