i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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