first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
