I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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