Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im holly from the hills drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize