She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize