all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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