I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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