I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
