I'm gonna have a badass scar
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
