do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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