I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
