You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
