No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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