We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
