is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
