His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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