Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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